What they don't know is that everything bad is going to happen all at once. None of the 10,000 logistics of transferring my life will work out. I will be horrible at my new job. I will be far away from everything I know and everyone I care about. Not just lonely. Alone. So no, not excited.
I'm aware that none of that is true. But it doesn't matter. That's what I feel, at least some of the time, when I'm not otherwise distracted by life. I could remind myself that fear is the mind killer, that uncertainty is awesome (and it sucks), that change is a part of life, etc., and these are all true, but first I need to let myself be. Everything bad is going to happen all at once. Major sad times. :'(
A lot of people seem to think major sad times are bad. They read books on how to live a happy life. They find religion. They try to cheer up their sad friends or give them religion. They hate to cry. Crying means they can't handle things like adults. They are adults. They want tombstones that read: "Everything was beautiful and nothing hurt." They think the meaning of life is to be happy.
I feel sad a lot more than most people. My brain jumps to the worst case scenario. I worry all the time, even without Important Life-Changing Events going on. I've been depressed and I will be again. I cry. This is not to say that I think major sad times are good. But after struggling with them for a long time, I've found that I need to give myself the space to be sad, to cry when I need to (and blog about it, apparently). The feelings won't go away just because I would rather not feel them.
I would rather feel excited. It is a fun emotion to have. Everything awesome is going to happen all the time! It's just as false, but much more satisfying, and people can be happy for you instead of sad for you. Even though I'm okay with my own sadness, I would rather not make others sad on my behalf. I'm not even sure I want to post all this, even having waited a few days after writing to think about it... I mean, everyone would know that I'm sad! My secret would be out! But (if you're reading) I will post it, because what's the point of having a blog without awkward personal sharing on the internet...
There are a lot more things I could say on the topic, but I will leave you with another philosophical easter-egg video of Alan Watts. How do we escape suffering? Go into it completely, for "there is nothing so much the very essence of suffering as the fear of suffering."
